She said YES!

On Saturday, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said “Yes!”

For me, it’s a story that begins in the summer of 2010 at my youngest sister’s wedding. It was a wonderful celebration that my whole family enjoyed. As I watched how happy my sister was with my new brother-in-law, I got to thinking. At the time I was 30, I had been single almost my entire life. I loved my job, but I wasn’t really meeting single women.

So I signed up for Match.com.

It didn’t go too well.

The next few months included several “humorous online dating anecdotes” that I shared with my family and close friends on my personal facebook profile. I went on several unsuccessful first dates with several women that just weren’t it. I put myself out there more than I ever had before, but it still wasn’t quite working. After contacting 2-3 women a day with little results, I put the whole deal on hold last September and just got busy working again.

But then I had my disastrous fall of 2010. I loved my job, but a lost passport caused me to cancel my first speaking engagement and reroute my travel to a hotel in Washington DC. I was still single. I had stumbled professionally. I wasn’t the guy I wanted to be. There, frustrated with myself, I renewed my match account, and stumbled across a profile.

She was cute. She seemed funny. She made me smile. She was different.

But she went to my rival school. I was (and am) a die-hard ASU Sun Devil fan, and I just didn’t know if I could date an Arizona Wildcat.

But as I continued to search profiles and contact women I wasn’t as thrilled with, I kept going back to her profile.

So finally on November 4, 2010, I sent her the following message:

Yeah, that’s pretty rad

I recognize I used a popular 80s term in the subject, but I’m going to be bold here and think that you might be okay with that…

why?

Because your profile is one of the best that I’ve read…

“anti-Toby”?

favorite movie of “Spaceballs”? (no joke, I once had a bike-lock with a combination of 1-2-3-4)

a Stieg Larsson recommendation? (completed the trilogy and have seen 2 of the 3 films–loved it)

Do tell more!

I’ll get the strikes against me out of the way…

A) I’m definitely 5’10” –not taller, not shorter… 5’10” so I know I don’t get the 6′ bonus points

B) I’m definitely a Sun Devil. Saw the obvious UofA photos in your profile.

But still check out my profile… look at the pictures (we all do), read the descriptions…

still with me?

Good.

I think we might still be able to be a match even with my maroon and gold clothing on a 5’10” frame. I look forward to reading your reply to this message and hear about…

A) favorite SPACEBALLS line (just because that is amusing)

B) one cool memory from 2010 so far

C) two cool things about your family

I look forward to your reply

Patrick

She didn’t reply. Well, not immediately at least. But then a few days later, I did get a reply from her.

I was super busy with work at the time, still hopping on plane after plane, but finally just a few days before my birthday in a hotel room in Minnesota, I wrote back to her.

Just over a week later, on November 20, 2010, we went out on our first date.

It was a simple trip to Starbucks and an uncustomary 2 hour conversation at Tempe Town Lake that followed.

The conversation was so easy. She was so fun. We laughed. We shared a bit of serious stuff. It was great.

Our date came to a close, but the relationship was just beginning.

So fast-forward a year…

…and one MAJOR change. My girlfriend took a new job in June with a company she absolutely loved. Unfortunately, this also required her to move to San Diego. It presented a whole new challenge to our relationship and caused us to address some growing pains along the way, but as the fall approached, we found ourselves better from the experience. The unique nature of my job allowed me the ability to head out to San Diego when work was slow, as well as provided me with frequent flyer perks to fly her in for a weekend visit to Arizona.

As I sat on planes this fall, I had a lot of time to reflect, and I knew that this relationship was something I didn’t want to end, so I began to put my plan in place for the proposal.

My girlfriend’s company has a property in Napa. She had never been to wine country, and wanted to spend a nice relaxing weekend doing some wine tasting. She used her connections and I used my frequent traveler perks to get us up for a nice weekend away. She talked with some of her colleagues who used to work at the Napa property to get some recommendations, and I received a great list of places to visit from my friends, Greg & Tracy.

We left Saturday morning with a quick flight to San Francisco. After picking up the rental car, and driving into Napa, we stopped at Boon Fly Cafe (one of the great recommendations from Greg & Tracy) for a late lunch. It was tough for me to get the food down. I was incredibly hungry, but incredibly nervous at the same time. Part of me wanted to propose right then and just get it over with, but I knew I wanted to wait until evening.

We quickly stopped at our hotel, and headed out to Artesa, a nearby winery, that sits beautifully on a hill. The views were just breath taking as the sun slowly set. There was no doubt that this would also be a great place to propose, but I still continued to wait. We sat and talked about how lucky we both were to be sitting at this winery and just enjoying life. At times we’d just look at each other and wonder, “Really? Are we really this lucky?”

We watched the sun set and the sky change colors.

When I first started to get the idea of proposing in Napa, I started to look up amazing restaurants. I made a reservation early on at a place called, REDD. It had a Michelin Star and also offered a five-course tasting menu with wine pairings–a dining experience I’ve always wanted to try. I was able to get my nerves to take a break and enjoy the next two hours of fine dining with my girlfriend.

It was wonderful. We sampled each other’s plates. Talked about our amazing day.

And also talked about our year.

It was nice to hear her describe many of the things I was also feeling. It gave me a bit more confidence for the event that was about to take place (and also helped further reduce my nerves so that I could finish the food).

She drove back to the hotel (I claimed wine, but in reality in was nerves).

We got back to the living room of our suite and her gift laid on the coffee table. She had seen it wrapped for quite some time. I showed it to her weeks ago after I wrapped it and her other Christmas presents. It looked slightly out of place with the other gifts, and I told her I’d let her open it in Napa. She had asked about it several times throughout the trip and was a little bit frustrated that I made her wait so long.

We sat on the couch and I asked her if she wanted to open her present.

She quickly took advantage of the opportunity, and picked up the gift, unwrapping the blue paper to reveal a blue canvas print underneath.

I had taken a picture of a swing by her dad’s house.

It was the same swings we sat in back in February on Super Bowl Sunday. It was the same day of our first fight. We had gotten into an argument over a statement she had made to the fact that she would “never” move to my house in Arizona. For me it was a tough statement as I had been paying attention to the financial landscape and new my house wasn’t going to be something easy to sell. I was upset. I was frustrated. And so I sulked. I thought it could be the end of the relationship, but then things went differently. We talked about things. We talked about how much we cared about one another. We talked about how different the relationship was than any past relationship either of us had experienced. She even said she’d move out to my house if that’s what it took for us to stay together, but that we’d cross that bridge when we got to it. It was such a different approach to conflict in a relationship than I had ever experienced–not only had we resolved that conflict, but we were stronger in the relationship because we took the time to listen to each other.

We ended up having a wonderful day together at my friends’ Super Bowl party. It was one of the first times she had met my friends and they were just as impressed by her as I was. I knew I really cared about her.

As I drove her back to her dad’s house (she was briefly living with him to save some money), we both wanted the date to last a little longer, so she recommended some swings by his house. We went to this park, late in the evening, and sat and talked with one another. The conversation was different than it had been a few months before on our first date. It was deeper. It was more meaningful.

This wasn’t just some crush anymore.

It was love.

It was the first time I truly knew what love felt like. I had told a girl in the past that I loved her, but I now knew, that wasn’t it. That was a crush. This was a connection.

In that moment, I could actually picture a future with her. I knew I loved her. It was the very moment that it clicked.

But I didn’t say anything.

I know. It was a big mistake, but I had made the mistake years before of dropping the “I Love You” bomb WAY too early, and I had (for better or worse) vowed that I wouldn’t repeat this mistake again, and say anything first (I know–stupid–but this is how my mind works).

And so that day and that swing had some significance. I shared that significance with Jessica, and I could see that she also remembered that day.

For me, it was the real testament of love. That we had conflict, that we cared so much about one another that we could actually resolve that conflict, that we could celebrate with friends, and that we could enjoy the simplicity.

I told her that life had presented us so many challenges in the past year with the move. Life had also presented us with great highlights and peaks like our wonderful trip to New York, our picnics on the beach, and our day here in Napa.

But that I loved the simplicity with her.

I listed off several examples of this such as laughing at her cat, spontaneous dance parties, enjoying an episode of PSYCH, baking cookies together, and a few others.

I told her I liked the fact that there is joy in the swings and there is joy in the simplicity and that I didn’t want this to end…

So I got down on one knee, pulled out the jewelry box I had hidden earlier under the couch, and asked her if she would marry me.

And she said, “YES!”

We’re both honestly still getting used to it, trying to figure out if we’re spelling or using fiancé or fiancée correctly. She started to look at rings (I proposed with a necklace, so she could have a say in her ring since she’s the one who will wear it for her lifetime). It’s all so surreal–almost as surreal as the castle winery we visited the following day (seriously, a castle in California). As we walked through this castle and we both considered how “unbelievable” this castle was, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own “unbelievable” story.

I was honestly beginning to wonder if there was someone out there for me who would really “get me.”

And then I met Jessica.

She didn’t fit in a perfect little box in my head (I’m still getting used to the whole Wildcat thing), but she is perfect for me.

Our love isn’t the one that is often depicted in the romantic comedy–that love works in a script, but rarely is real life.

Our love is fun. It’s silly and goofy. It’s funny faces and stale jokes. It’s romantic gestures and simple chores. It includes some disagreements and an occasional tear. It includes incredible vistas and a romantic song.

And it’s still in the early stages.

Over the past year, I realized how much I like the whole package and the whole journey. I’m excited about what the next chapter will bring.

For my younger readers who have endured this LONG blog entry, let me just say that things happen in time and they happen for a reason. Sure part of me wishes I had a girlfriend back in high school or that I had dated more, but those “tough” experiences also shaped me and some of the decisions I made. If things had gone differently, I might not have met Jessica, and then I wouldn’t have this LOVE story–the one I’m quite happy to share : )